


Stars

by kafrickinboom



Series: Voltron WLW Month [5]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, Genderbending, Lance (Voltron) is Good at Feelings, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Relationship, Sad Shiro (Voltron), Shiro (Voltron) Needs a Hug, Shooting Stars, Stars, VLD WLW Month, Voltron WLW Month 2017, Wishes, minor PTSD mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 09:47:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11711871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kafrickinboom/pseuds/kafrickinboom
Summary: When Shiro was a kid, she used to lay outside and marvel at the light-speckled night sky. She loved spotting the planets when they were visible, tracing constellations with her fingers and naming the stars she recognized. Even though she knew ‘shooting stars’ weren’t actually stars, she still loved watching them streak across the sky. Every time she caught one, she made the same wish.Send me a friend who will love me as I am.





	Stars

**Author's Note:**

> Lance's name is Landa, a Spanish name (usually a surname) referring to the Virgin Mary.  
> It's not mentioned in this fic, but Shiro's name is Takako (貴子) meaning "noble child."

When Shiro was a kid, she used to lay outside and marvel at the light-speckled night sky. She loved spotting the planets when they were visible, tracing constellations with her fingers and naming the stars she recognized. Even though she knew ‘shooting stars’ weren’t actually  _ stars, _ she still loved watching them streak across the sky. Every time she caught one, she made the same wish.

_ Send me a friend who will love me as I am. _

Her father had always talked about the importance of surrounding yourself with genuine, caring people who would be there for you no matter how you evolve. He said you wanted deep, lasting friendships rather than fleeting acquaintances that never stuck around long enough to take root in your life, which was kind of funny considering the amount of times they’d moved around, preventing Shiro from ever being able to maintain a friendship. 

She wondered what it was like to have a friend like the ones her parents had, the ones who would call regularly, both through voice and video. They called just to see how his parents were doing, to talk about life, to vent to, to even get updates on how Shiro was doing in school and how she was growing. They visited sometimes too, in the various places Shiro and her parents moved. Sometimes  _ they _ went to visit her parents’ friends. Shiro didn’t need the group her parents had. She just wanted at least  _ one _ person to call her friend.

So, every night, she’d wish on those burning pieces of meteor, begging for just  _ one. _

\---

It wasn’t until she’d joined the Garrison that she thought she’d gotten her wish. She suddenly had a ton of friends! Boys, girls and everyone in between seemed to really like her! She had no shortage of people she could hang out with!

At first, it was amazing and Shiro felt like all of those people were making up for the severe lack of friendships as a kid. It wasn’t until she would have bad days, whether from depression or just generally in a grumpy mood, that she started noticing that they would shy away from anything deeper than the light, happy stuff. It wasn’t until she reached out to some of the people she thought she could call her best friends only to be ignored that she realized they didn’t actually care about her.

They only cared about Shiro’s talent and how far that could take them by proxy. 

It was probably the hardest lesson to learn- that not everyone was as eager for heartfelt friendships like she was. She might have preferred people to ignore her outright than give her hope only to rip it out from under her. 

So, she learned how to separate herself from everyone. She was polite to everyone, even those who had hurt her, but no longer had she hung out with them. She kept her mouth shut, no longer had she indulged them in gossiping with her. She still helped those who needed it by helping them understand the material, but no longer had she let them copy off her work. She rose in the ranks at the Garrison, working hard to maintain her place at the top of her class. 

She eventually earned herself the vied-for position as the pilot for an exploration mission out to Pluto with Dr. and Matt Holt, father-and-son duo extraordinaire. Soon she’d have  _ months _ away from the vultures and snakes in her school, and she could come back with a new outlook on life.

\---

She never expected to encounter aliens while out on this mission, and she certainly never expected anything so cruel and violent. The last thought she had before the butt of the alien gun smashed into the back of the head was that at least the stars looked beautiful out here.

\---

Shiro stopped wishing on stars and meteors mostly because she rarely ever saw them during her time with the Galra. At least, she thought so. She wasn’t positive about that fact considering she had almost no recollection of her time with them. She just had powerful sense memories of being locked up in a cold, dark cell with no windows and no hope of getting out.

Looking out at the stars now, after being rescued from government thugs by a group of teenagers, just made Shiro feel an aching pang of nostalgia. Still, when she spotted her first shoot star in over a year, she closed her eyes and made the same wish she’d made since she was five.

\---

This wasn’t what Shiro had in mind when she came crashing back down to Earth. She wasn’t planning on launching right back out into space within a day of coming home. She wasn’t planning on becoming the de facto leader of a team of (teenaged) people who piloted massive alien robot Lions that turned into an even more massive alien robot man. She wasn’t planning on traveling through the furthest reaches of space, saving peoples, fighting the Galra, saving the universe.

Still, she was far from complaining. After a year of tiny quarters with a literal bucket to shit in, her room on the castle-ship and the communal bathroom and showers felt like luxury. She was actually fed every day, even if the food was questionable. She wasn’t getting tortured or beaten down until she had to be dragged back to her cell to recover. She was free to walk around and do whatever she wanted. 

She spent most of her time with Black, and training. She wanted to engage in conversations with the rest of the team, but she just couldn’t bring herself to do so. Not only was she a mess beneath the cool, calm, collected mask she wore. She also just didn’t know  _ how _ to make friends. She was always,  _ always _ kind to people, but she was wary of them. She wasn’t sure how she could befriend people she didn’t trust, and she didn’t know how she could trust people she didn’t talk to, but she didn’t know how to talk to them. It was a vicious circle.

Thankfully, her hesitation to ‘hang out’ with the others had yet to affect their bonding exercises. She had great control of the mental walls she threw up, but still remained present enough to work together with her team to mentally form Voltron. Unfortunately, the rest of the team had apparently also been able to sense those carefully constructed walls.

She’d been lectured by Allura (with interjections from Coran) about the importance of being open and honest and willing to let others in. She promised she would try, but a little voice in the pack of her mind reminded her of what could happen if she did. 

Logically, she knew that it would be pointless and actually pretty stupid to only befriend Shiro for whatever benefit she could give them. What could she possible give someone out here? Nothing. The answer was nothing, so who would even want to be her friend? It’s been proven before that people don’t tend to hold much interest in anything deeper than the way she looks, her skill in motivational pep talks, and her tendency to be overly generous with just about everything she had. 

She looked down at her hands- one normal save for the scars marring her skin, one fake and made by the very hands that abducted her. She clenched her fists, disgusted with herself. She could be a decent leader, but she’d been infected by the corruption that is the Galra. 

She wasn’t even a normal person anymore. Normal people didn’t have arms that could literally (accidentally) kill the people they cared about if they made the wrong move or lost control. Normal people with prosthetics don’t have the added feature of ‘laser hand.’ Normal people didn’t have PTSD so severe that it kept them up at all hours of the night. Normal people didn’t have scars over most of their body that made them nauseous to look at. 

Now, she had more baggage than benefits, and didn’t want to burden the others with any of her many problems. 

Still, she  _ did _ promise the princess, and as hard as it was going to be, she had to at least try.

\---

Over the next few weeks, Shiro reached out grasped at every extended hand of friendship offered to her. 

She played sous chef for Hunk one night for dinner, learning how to make the infamous food goo they all ate regularly. Hunk was more than happy to show her the ropes, and though he was a pretty staunch head chef, he was patient and attentive. He never made her feel like an idiot for doing something wrong. Just gently took over, showing her the correct way to do it before returning to what he was focused on. They talked about their homesickness for Earth food and their common love of all things fiction. They mostly talked about space, especially the planet Balmera and how much Hunk wished they could go back so he could see Shay again. It was nice.

She sat with Pidge when they were working on a new Lion upgrade, bouncing ideas back and forth and talking about alien tech. She helped clean Green after missions, in between the days she washed Black and made plans for the next course of action with Allura. She had heart-to-hearts about Matt and Dr. Holt and Shiro’s flashes of memories about them. She felt remorseful every time she couldn’t come up with anything helpful to say other than they’d keep looking. Pidge’s appreciative smiles, no matter how tinged they were with melancholy, helped alleviate some of the guilt.

She trained with Keith in the early mornings, mostly working on hand-to-hand combat, showing him how to hone his skills even more, showing him how to better deflect and defend. She appreciated his dry sense of humor and his no-bullshit attitude. Sure, his hotheadedness could get him in trouble and often stressed the team out when he made snap decision out on the field, but the more she got to know him, the more she realized he felt he  _ needed _ action,  _ needed _ to  _ do _ something about a situation. The more she talked to him, the more she stressed the need for patience. Besides, ‘patiences yields focus’ had been her life motto for what seemed like ages now. Keith had slowly become one of her closest (and she was hesitant to say this) friends.

Coran liked to regale her with tales from his youth, enthusiastic and warm and animated in a way that reminded Shiro of her mother. It sent pangs of wistfulness through her every time he gestured wildly and grinned almost hysterically as he physically reenacted his adventures. She liked to think that she made him feel good just by listening. She knew some of the others often brushed him off, but Shiro thought it was nice to see him so excited rather than drawn from concern when one of them ended up in the cryo pods or serious when lecturing them all about another planet’s etiquette and customs. 

Allura was becoming something like the sister Shiro never had. Though Allura tried to remain separate and dignified, over time she’d started seeing the human members of the team more as equals, allowing herself to relax in the privacy of the castle-ship. At some point along the way, she’d begun opening up to Shiro, using her as a sounding board for her venting and frustration. Every so often Shiro would find the urge to let the dam loose, spilling it all out for Allura, but something kept holding her back. Still, she tried to open up when things felt like they were spiralling out of control in her mind. Allura’s warm hugs were like band aids for bullet holes- a nice gesture, perhaps, but didn’t quite do the trick. Nevertheless, Shiro appreciated the effort.

\---

Landa… Landa was an odd one. She didn’t really have a thing around here. She didn’t cook. She wasn’t into the tech or engineering side of things. She trained almost as much as Keith did, but never  _ with _ them. She did, however, hang around Shiro, whether when she was going through the mission reports or writing in her journal in the observation deck or sometimes she’d even hang around Black’s hangar, writing in her own notebook. For some reason, she’d even managed to convince Pidge to switch seats with her when they ate meals together so she could sit beside Shiro. 

It confused Shiro at first, but then Landa would bump their legs together “on accident” with an innocent smile, or she’d throw a slender arm around Shiro’s broad shoulders and continue raving about whatever cute people she flirted with this week like it was nothing, or she’d rest her feet in Shiro's lap like they belonged there while hanging with the whole team, or she’d absentmindedly whisper-sing Spanish songs while leaning on Shiro’s side, and Shiro just  _ couldn’t _ care about why it made no sense to her. She just wanted it to continue.

She’d come to expect Landa’s enthusiastic, warm, calming presence around her more often than not- and wasn’t that funny? Shiro's pretty sure no one who knew Landa on the surface level would ever consider her a ‘calming force,’ but beneath the bold, confident, vivacious, ebullient exterior was a young woman who was softer than you’d expect. She told Shiro she was the second-youngest of five in a home that housed not only her family, but her brother-in-law, her nephew, her aunt, her three cousins  _ and _ her grandmother, and according to Landa, that’s where she learned the skill and value of just  _ being there _ for the people she loved.

Shiro would never admit that that made her heart trip over itself.

Slowly, Shiro’s walls eroded to a point where everyone could see bits and pieces of the real her, but none more so than Landa. Landa, with her genuine interest in what Shiro had to say and her breathtaking smiles and her casual affection, Shiro let see more than she’d shown anyone else in ages.

Shiro was terrified.

\---

One night, Shiro headed out to the observation deck to clear her head after a particularly nasty nightmare involving some Galra witch and a smirking Zarkon. She just couldn’t be in her room right now with the reawakened memories and sympathetic pains so fresh in her mind.

The observation deck had become her go-to escape from reality. She would just sit there are stare out at the stars, feeling a mix of sharp nostalgia for the old stars and constellations back home that she could recognize, and deep wonderment of these new suns and planets and patterns in the stars, each filled with the potential for life. New environments. New cultures. New peoples. It was magnificent. 

Sitting out here always made Shiro feel small, like the blanket of the night wrapped around her and held her gently without expectation or reprimand. The night sky felt like an old friend.

She stopped short when she rounded the corner, spotting Landa sitting on the bench lining the windowed wall, knees pulled to her chest, arms hugging them tight to her body with her head resting on her forearms. She was wearing whatever the alien equivalent to yoga pants was that they found at the Space Mall and an upcycled tank top from one of Hunk’s old shirts. Her bare toes tapped to the rhythm of a song Shiro couldn’t hear (probably another Spanish song Shiro wouldn’t recognize but desperately wanted to). Her hair was thrown up in the messiest bun Shiro’d ever seen, softening her in a way that made Shiro’s breath catch. 

Landa looked stunning backdropped by a wall of stars and lit by the low, bluish light of the room. 

She’s absolutely beautiful, comprised of all the things that made Shiro swoon- cinnamon-bronze skin complemented by soft, chocolate brown hair and bright, blue eyes lined with long, curling lashes. Her lips were full and curved inward just a touch at the sides and more than once Shiro had to stop her thinking about them before it moved toward something inappropriate. Shiro had yet to spot a single flaw on Landa’s skin. Freckles spattered her nose and shoulders, and Shiro wasn’t sure she’d ever seen something so cute in her life. She’d always assumed Landa had had more of a boyish figure, but after months of friendship and seeing her in various states of dress, and especially now wrapped in tighter clothing, Shiro realized Landa’s usual attired hid more curves than Shiro had expected. 

Shiro was thankful Landa was so deep in thought lest she be caught staring like a creep. Shiro decided she needed to get out of there before she got caught. 

“You know you can stay,” Landa’s dulcet voice made her jump, whipping back around.

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb you.” Shiro straightened, ever the formal leader, brows furrowing when Landa huffed in exasperation.

“Oh, come on. Stop that. It’s just us.” Landa rolled her eyes at Shiro with a small smile. When Shiro hesitated, Landa pulled out the big guns- those damn puppy eyes. “Come over here?”

Apprehensively she acquiesced, gingerly sitting approximately three feet from Landa so as to not make her uncomfortable. You’d think after months of this, Shiro would learn. She didn’t know why she bothered with being polite when Landa scooted forward, pushing her feet beneath Shiro’s thigh. Shiro wasn’t exactly proud of the resulting yelp, but  _ good gods, _ Landa’s feet were  _ freezing. _

She couldn’t even be irritated though when Landa closed her eyes humming in contentment.

“So...come here often?” Landa asked with her trademark eyebrow wiggle, and Shiro rolled her eyes so hard her head moved with it only to hide the blush creeping up on her cheeks. 

“Yes, Landa. You know I do. Do you?” 

Landa stuck out her tongue. “You’re no fun.” Seeing Shiro’s face fall, she rushed to reassure her, “I’m joking! You’re absolutely fun. I love hanging out with you!” She beamed so brightly at Shiro that, for a moment, Shiro actually believed her. “Anyway, yeah. I come here all the time. We must just miss each other a lot.”

Shiro hummed. “Probably. I’m here almost every night."

“Wait, really? Why so often?”

Shiro wasn’t sure she could hide  _ this _ flush. She choked down the instinct to shy away from candor. She’d made a promise all those months ago, and this is the first person she actually felt truly at ease with. “I...have nightmares.”

“Oh,” Landa said softly, tilting her head. “Do you want to talk about them?”

“No, I’m fine,” Shiro lied, and Landa’s raised brow meant she knew it too. Shiro sighed, “you don’t have to worry about it. They’re my own problems.”

“Hate to break it to you, buddy, but I’m already worried about you,” Landa threw back with a sardonic smile. She reached out a hand, hesitating only a moment before resting on Shiro’s Galra arm- just like she’d done back at Keith’s shack. Shiro’s wide eyes snapped to Landa’s.

“I know the others are worried too, but I can only really speak for myself when I say that I want you to talk to me. I mean, you don’t  _ have _ to, of course, but...I don’t know. You’re our leader, but you’re also one of my best friends. I-,” Landa cut herself with a shrug, the high points of her cheeks stained pink, her gaze suddenly landing anywhere but on Shiro. 

Shiro tried her level best to crush down the rising tidal wave of hope (and also the urge to coo). “You’re one of my best friends too.”

“Really?” Landa looked surprised by Shiro’s sincerity for a moment before slipping back into her usual cocky demeanor. She seemed to wear it like armor. “I mean, of course I am. Who wouldn’t want to be BFFs with all of this?” She gestured to her herself, flicking the stray hairs that fell in her face back with a smug grin.

Shiro rolled her eyes, smiling with a fond shake of her head. Landa was always good for making Shiro forget her bad mood, so outrageously confident and flirtatious when she was grumpy and so understanding and  _ present _ when she was sad. Shiro looked down at the warm hand on her prosthetic. Landa was just good for making her feel...normal. Shiro got the feeling Landa had never shied away from the arm because of  _ Landa’s _ apprehension, but because she probably sensed  _ Shiro’s. _ She never handled Shiro with kid gloves. She always tried to bring Shiro into the inside jokes and the comfortable conversation between the other Paladins, completely at ease with invading her personal space. And now...now she was here calling Shiro one her best friends. 

Shiro ignored the skip in her heartbeat when Landa’s thumb began tracing comforting arcs, the sensors on her Galra arm picking up each and every pass. She ignored her pulse picking up and hoped Landa couldn’t hear the beating drum of her heart batting against her ribcage. She ignored the dryness in her throat when Landa’s eyes flicked down to Shiro’s lips, tearing them away nervously when she realized she’d been caught.

“I come down here when I’m feeling lonely,” Landa said suddenly after a tense moment, turning her gaze back to the stars. “Even though these constellations aren’t familiar, they’re more comforting than staring at the ceiling for hours.” She sighs, “I miss home.”

Shiro didn’t even think about it before she turned her hand over, holding onto Landa’s in an attempt to comfort. She didn’t know how helpful she could be, but wanted to give back even just a little of what Landa had given her- solace. 

“I know exactly what you mean. That’s why I couldn’t stay in my room either. I miss Earth too. I was definitely ready to fight back against the Galra, but I didn’t think I’d be leaving Earth the day after I came back.” Shiro shrugged, “it just would have been nice to even just make a call before leaving, but...I guess that would have just caused chaos.” She sighed, running her human hand down her face. “And anyway, I’m not sure what I would have said. ‘Hey, mom. Hey, dad. Sorry for being away for so long. I was a captured by aliens and they messed me up for the last year. Actually, you might not even recognize me anymore. Sorry about that too.’”

“But that’s not your fault,” Landa interjected, a deep frown pulling at the corners of her mouth. “No one blames you for coming out of something like that a bit different than before.”

“A bit different. Sure,” Shiro huffed down at her Galra arm bitterly, trying to pull out from under Landa’s grip, but the other woman held steady. She scooted forward further, crossing her legs so that she could lean forward, resting her forehead against the top of her arm. Shiro swallowed thickly.

“Seriously. You’re still the Shiro I remember from back at the Garrison. You’re still kind and thoughtful and  _ good. _ So you’ve got a new color palette going on, and maybe your new addition is a bit shocking when you first see it, but so what? It’s still you underneath it all. You’re not a bad person just because bad things happened to you.” 

And that was something Shiro had grown to love and hate in equal measure about Landa. She was shockingly intuitive behind the oblivious veneer, and pulled no punches when she had something she wanted to say.

Shiro sighed. “Logically, I know that. Doesn’t make it any easier.”

“Well, just know that we all care for you.  _ I-I _ care for you. A lot, actually.” Landa may have said ‘care,’ but the emphasis made it sound a lot more like ‘love.’ 

Shiro couldn’t see Landa’s face from this angle, but the tips of her ears stained red, and the sight and confession felt like a putting gasoline to the low level fire Shiro had been trying to smother inside her. The fact that Landa had started tracing little patterns Shiro couldn’t quite make out on her Galra arm was doing nothing to help quell it either.

Pulling courage to the surface, Shiro shakily asked, “do you… Do you have feelings for me?”

Landa froze, her fingers suddenly stationary against Shiro’s arm. Shiro felt the tension rise like a physical thing, and she almost apologized, blaming her lack of sleep for such a weird question when a whisper of noise filtered through her racing mind.

“What was that?” Shiro asked.

“Yes,” Landa said, still tense, still resting her head against Shiro’s arm, and Shiro could feel her quickening breaths through her shirtsleeve. 

Shiro was silent for a moment, heart beating in triple time. She knew it was a rather pessimistic thing to think, but she never thought her countless wishes on countless shooting stars would come true, and six-fold at that, let alone someone who could eventually develop feelings for her. She knew Lance was young. She wouldn’t even be turning eighteen for another few Earth months, but Shiro knew she wanted to take the leap anyway. 

Landa had given Shiro so many bright, happy moments since being rescued all those months ago, so many stars of blinding light among the black abyss her negativity had lain over her mind. So many little things cultivated to the beginnings of something that could be  _ good. _ Made Shiro feel like  _ she _ could be good. 

She’d taken too much time to say something apparently because Landa was pulling away, scrubbing at her eyes in a vain attempt to hide her embarrassed tears. She made to beat a hasty retreat, but Shiro unthinkingly, gently held her in place with the same arm that had caused Shiro so much grief. Maybe Landa could learn to love all of her for her like she’d begged for all those years. Maybe Landa already did.

When Landa turn those baby blues to Shiro, wet and wary, Shiro intertwined their fingers. 

“I don’t know how this will work out. I’m a mess and you definitely deserve better.” She held up a hand to stave off Landa’s indignation.  _ “But, _ I want to give this a shot if you want it too.”

Shiro can confidently say she’d never seen stars brighter than the ones that lit up behind her eyelids as Landa pressed her smile against Shiro’s.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked this one! Kudos and comments are always appreciated! <3
> 
> Next up: f!Heith, "Baking"


End file.
